Thou Art That

Energy Exchange

That I Am — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:16:59 +0000

Was emailing a new friend recently (whom I met while I was in India) about how I’ve found myself becoming more and more sensitive to vibes over the last few years … We were both exchanging notes about how our personal yoga practice has made us more aware of that subtle energy field that surrounds everything, especially around people.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t “see” auras or anything like that. It’s more of an intuitive thing. We are all — every one of us — able to feel these vibes. It’s just that over the years, this ability has been buried under layers of conditioning. We’ve all been taught to deny or ignore our intuition.

Babies and children are prime examples of how sensitive we can be to another person’s energy … Notice how they take to some people so easily (even complete strangers), but will not go anywhere near some other people (even someone close, like a family member). It all depends on what sort of energy, or as I call it, vibe, that person has.

Some people have negative vibes that put you off instantly, even though you don’t know them or are meeting them for the first time. Others are what can be termed as “energy vampires” — they seem to suck the life out of you, leaving you drained every time you interact with them.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are the people with super-attractive vibes — the ones you want to be around because they make you feel good by just being there! And among these lovely people will be a rare few who actually “charge” you up.

You feel revitalised and re-energised after spending time with these special people because they have so much positivity, it just overflows out of them and spreads out to those around them. As a result, you find yourself drawn to them, wanting to spend more time with them because they make you feel good!

It’s not easy to meet someone who not only doesn’t drain you, but charges you up as well. I’ve been very blessed to have met more than a few people who have this effect on me, and vice versa. Some have gone on to become close friends. Some I’ve only recently crossed paths with.

Case in point: A brief five-minute chat with a new acquaintance this evening left me buzzed up till NOW!

This is a very pleasant surprise as I’ve only met one other person who has this effect on me. Hope I had the same effect on my “charger”. After hearing about the rough week this person went through, I’m setting an intention to send as much love and positive energy their way.

Hey, might as well send out a whole lotta positive vibes to the whole Universe while I’m at it … We could all use the extra energy!

Om Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu!

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti!

(Om, may all the beings in all the worlds be happy! Om, peace, peace, peace!)

At Last

That I Am — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:22:39 +0000

Finally closed a long overdue chapter in this life this morning. Just a little over a month short of three years. That’s how long it took to conclude this super-extended, director’s cut, special edition episode.

A friend asked me how I felt. I replied, “Meh.”

That was it. Not relieved. Not numb. Not celebratory. Nothing at all. Just … Meh.

What can I say? Three years is ample time for detachment to seep in. Plenty of time to step back, look at the whole picture and see everything in a new light.

Of course, that didn’t stop the mind from contemplating a reversal. Yes, just like She said, there is a part of me that wants to regain what was lost, that wants things to go back to the way they were. Standing there, waiting, watching the mind, all these thoughts were flying around.

Oh, how easy it would have been to say the word and call the whole thing off …

… And what? Hit ‘undo’? Regress? Discard all the changes that have taken place over the last three years?

“Absolutely not!”, screamed the heart, “No one comes this far to throw it all away!”

Quite a vehement protest, considering that I haven’t inched that far from the starting line … But when one has been repeatedly told to look to the heart, one does not ignore the heart when it cries out.

But it makes no sense to turn back now … Not when I’m here at last …

Where I’m supposed to be. Where I’ve always been. Right here, right now.

Going Mental

That I Am — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 18:06:07 +0000

One phone call. That’s all it took.

Had the rug pulled out from under me yet again on Sunday night. No matter how many times its happened in the past (at the same time too!), I never see it coming … And I always end up landing really hard, head first, on a super-solid, blindingly gleaming, polished marble floor. Ouch!

All this is just figurative, of course. I didn’t really fall. It just felt like I did. And it’s a looooong way to the bottom.

True, I was forewarned, but that doesn’t help AT ALL! Trust me. The last word one would use to describe this life is ‘predictable’. It’s anything but.

Honesty. Witnessing. Put the two together and you have a lethal combination designed to tear the mind (and ego) to shreds. There is no way to be dishonest if you remain a witness. When you start witnessing, you see a lot of lies, pretense, deceit. It’s not a pretty picture. Especially when you realise that it’s all there inside you.

I thought last Monday’s shake-up was bad. To be asked that one question that makes me cringe the most: what do you want? There were so many answers inside my head, but I did not dare say a word. There was no escape. The answer was laid bare before me. Said on my behalf. And it was the last thing on my mind … The one with the strongest roots, perhaps.

It was painful hearing the truth. I didn’t even realise that this was what I wanted, deep down inside. It made me doubt myself. On top of that, the warning that came with it: if you think you can go back to being who and what you were before, think again. That shook me to my very core.

At first, I was in denial. I told myself that what was said was intended to aggravate the mind. I was sure that I wanted no such thing. I wouldn’t have things any other way than what they are now. I wasn’t about to throw it all away and return to life in the dark.

However, over the next few days it became clear that there is a part of me that yearns for what once was — the security, the attachment, the external things. It was a shocking revelation. And I was made to look right at it. Not once, not twice, but several times and with increasing severity. I had no idea this was inside me. It was a slap in the face.

The finishing stroke came before the week was out.

Sunday started out well. The festivities in the first half of the day left me feeling rather silent and more than a little drained. An unintentionally long nap preceded an unwitting conversation, during which the ultimate whammy was delivered.

That sudden change in the tone of voice as it became deadly serious. The vibe was so strong, it could be felt over the phone. Again, I was told to turn within: “In your case, you MUST turn within.”

This time, though, I was also told to stop doing something on my regular schedule because it is in diametric opposition to the need for honesty. It’s been making me more and more superficial, and all this damage can only be undone with a huge dose of awareness.

To say that I didn’t see this coming would be to deny the truth. I had been slowly losing momentum in this particular activity for many months now. It felt like a chore sometimes. I had to really psyche myself up to accomplish the task, and even then, most times I would find myself hoping that I wouldn’t have to do it … This feeling grew stronger as the weeks went by.

Now it’s clear why I was feeling that way. Head and heart were at odds with each other. One was bent on fulfilling an obligation, the other was attempting damage control.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to worry about how to remove this activity from my schedule. The Universe has its ways of making sure that one stays on track. It’s just amazing how everything just falls into place.

Spent a greater part of the next few days watching people around me. I started to realise that what was said to me during that half-hour phone conversation was undeniably true.

The more I observed how everyone else behaved, the more I saw things about myself. Was this turning within? I really don’t know. All I know is that I learned a lot about my feelings, thoughts and actions.

There was so much going on inside that it felt very, very unnerving at times. I would go through bouts where I felt the need to talk to someone about what I was going through, then I would feel like keeping it all to myself. I was second-guessing my own thoughts, feelings, motivations. There would be conversations going on in my head, with myself, with the Universe. And in-between, pockets of silence would arise. I was overwhelmed!

So this is what K meant by “going mental”. Yes, we are definitely connected, and as composed as I was whenever we were face-to-face or on the phone, the undercurrents were stirring … Only to go full-blown upon the beginning of a new chapter — for K, and for those of us strung on that same thread.

Moving On

That I Am — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:28:52 +0000

Over You (Daughtry)

Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me

Well, I never saw it coming
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know

I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting better
And now I’m picking up the pieces
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say

And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me

Well, I never saw it coming
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know

I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting better
And now I’m picking up the pieces
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
Well I’m putting my heart back together
‘Cause I got over you
Well I got over you
I got over you
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you

Down But Not Out

That I Am — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 06:46:35 +0000

Am still reeling from the double-whammy that just hit me. And I’m still trying to make sense of it all. Maybe I shouldn’t, but the mind has an in-built need to understand and analyse.

Lessons in attachment and detachment are the hardest to learn. No matter how much you claim to be detached or attached, you never know how deep those roots go.

The pain of attachment is excruciating, especially when that which you are attached to is taken away from you so abruptly.

I’ve lost the only father that I ever knew. To me, he was a loving, doting, courageous, strong, hardworking man who took care of me from the day I came into this world. He loved me no matter what and he was always there for me. He made me who I am today and taught me everything I know about life.

So why was it so much easier for me to let him go than to let go of someone whom I’ve only known for seven months, and who didn’t love me enough to stay?

Perhaps it’s the fact that my dad is gone for good. Maybe that finality is what allowed my attachment to my dad to fall away on its own.

In my heart, I know my dad will always be with me. I still love him and cherish the memories I have of him … But I’m not clinging onto him. I’ve come to terms with his passing and the sorrow will always be there. Thinking about how he won’t be there when I go and visit my mum, that I will never hear his voice again. All that puts a lump in my throat, but it’s only natural and I accept it as part of the healing process.

I only wish it were the same with my other loss. I never expected to fall so hard for someone, and I never expected it to end so soon. That it had to happen just days before my dad’s passing … It made things so much harder to deal with.

Everyone’s telling me that he’s not worth this much grief. And the things he did to rid me of my attachment were very callous, to say the least. But I do not feel any anger or resentment towards him. Disappointment and hurt, perhaps, but no rage at all.

I may be deluding myself, but I understand why he did what he did. Just like I understand why my dad kept us in the dark about his illness for nearly a year before this happened.

If he had stayed, I would not have been able to focus on my main priority — my dad. I was so caught up in trying to hang on to the relationship that I allowed it to push my dad and family into second place. That I was still thinking about spending time with him at a time when my dad was fighting for his life … He pointed this out to me and asked me to be with my family. He said guys like him are a dime a dozen, I only have one father and I should be with my dad, not him.

I knew that the relationship was beyond saving, and yet I wanted to give it my all in the hopes that it might make a difference. Someone else had captured his heart a long time ago. It was a case of out of sight, but not out of mind. And now that she’s here in the flesh … The feelings have been stirred up and are growing. What we had was not enough to overcome those feelings.

Knowing that he had moved on even before we said our last goodbye hurt me a lot. Knowing that she did nothing to discourage him even though she knew that he was with me (in fact, she found excuses to spend more time with him) showed me just how ruthless human beings can be.

That I could actually wish him well and see him off with a smile … Was that me being naive? Or was that proof that you can love someone unconditionally? I’m swaying between two extremes. At times, I feel so stupid for letting him go without a trace of outrage. Then, a voice inside me tells me that it’s not worth wasting your energy on rage …

Everything happens for a reason.

As my beloved Guru says, “Only a person who has known hunger will understand the pangs of hunger in another person. Only a person who has carried a heavy load will understand the strain of carrying heavy weights.”

Only a person who has known the pain of loss will understand the pain of another person who has loved and lost. I always talk about being detached. Now I know what it really feels like. You cannot be detached unless you are attached. It’s a paradox, but that’s the way the Universe works.

Is it true that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? It certainly doesn’t feel that way, especially when you’re freshly broken up. But in time, I know that I will come to agree with that statement.

Just as the relationship was coming to a close, I was reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. She was having trouble letting go of someone she loved a lot (and the similarities didn’t end there!). These were the parts that struck a chord in me, a conversation between her and Richard from Texas:

“What’s got you all wadded up?” he drawls, toothpick in mouth, as usual.

“Don’t ask,” I say, but then I start talking and tell him every bit of it, concluding with, “And worst of all, I can’t stop obsessing over David. I thought I was over him, but it’s all coming up again.”

He says, “Give it another six months, you’ll feel better.”

“I’ve already given it twelve months, Richard.”

“Then give it six more. Just keep throwin’ six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time.”

I exhale hotly through my nose, bull-like.

“Groceries,” Richard says, “listen to me. Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it — in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India.”

“But I really loved him.”

“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? The guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries — you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby — you’re just lickin’ at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You’re afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot — a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in — God will rush in — and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

I’ve always found the answers to my questions, doubts and problems waiting for me in the things I read. It could be a book, blog or email … Somehow, the Universe always send help my way in some shape or form.

And that’s a very comforting thought — knowing that you are never truly alone in this life, that there is always someone looking out for you (I know my dad is!). Knowing that my faith will help see me through.

Yes, it will take time for me to come to terms with this. It will take time for me to let go completely, but I WILL get over it and be stronger for the experience.

Because in the end … This, too, shall pass.

Goodbye

That I Am — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:19:07 +0000

I love you, Dad!

Stephen Lim Cheng Soon
(8 May 1941 – 27 July 2009)
Devoted husband and beloved father.

Saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy. It’s even harder when you have to do it twice in the span of three days.

I was in the midst of closing a chapter in my life. It was a bittersweet parting, to say the least. Yet, I have no regrets and am thankful that it ended the way it did. I will take away more than a few lifetimes of sweet memories from the experience, but the parting will bring with it no small amount of pain.

However, in the manner that has become the norm in my life, this bittersweet ending was overshadowed by something completely unexpected. Something that surpassed it many times over.

My beloved dad passed away on Monday morning. He was admitted to the hospital on Saturday for dengue, but they found other complications including renal failure and a weak heart. We got a call on Sunday morning informing us that he had been transferred to the ICU as he had difficulty breathing.

By the wee hours of Monday morning, his heart had become too weak to support the dialysis treatment that they had hoped would save him. He breathed his last at 9.43am on Monday, 27 July 2009. He was 68 years old.

I was with him on Saturday night when he had what was to be his last meal. He was joking and talking with my younger brother and I. Before I left the room, I kissed him goodnight. It was the first time I had kissed my father in eleven years!

He was still conscious the next day and trying to talk to us even with the ventilator mask strapped on. We stayed with him till the end of visiting hours at 2pm. I patted his hand and told him everything was going to be alright as they would be starting the dialysis soon. He nodded.

That was the last time I would see or speak to him while he was lucid. He slipped into a coma just before 6pm on Sunday. He fought valiantly till the very end. His heart rate would dip then rise whenever we spoke to him and asked him not to give up.

My dad taught me a great many things while he was alive. And he taught me a great many things as he left this world. His passing taught me about letting go, being selfless, and how to love unconditionally.

I sat by his side for hours during that final morning, praying and talking to him. Even falling asleep with my head resting against his bed rail. I listened and watched as his heart rate went up and down like a roller coaster …

Up till a point where I told him that if he was fighting to come back because he had some unfinished business, then he could draw as much strength as he needed from me. I would give him every last ounce of strength I had if that was what he was doing.

But if he was just hanging on because we, his family, were unable to let go, then he should rest his weary heart and spare himself the pain. I wanted him to go in peace, without worrying about us. I also wanted him to go without creating any resentment in us, like I’ve seen happen when a loved one has been terminally ill for a long time … The waiting will wear you down no matter how much you love that person.

And with that I let him go. I untethered the wings on my dad’s soul.

As Monday dawned, my brother went home to rest while my mum and sister went to warm up with hot drinks. I found myself all alone sans family members. I found a seat in the waiting room and broke down in a flood of tears. Grief overcame me. Then, tired from lack of sleep and crying, I fell asleep.

The next thing I knew, a nurse was waking me up and telling me that my dad’s heart had stopped. I rushed to his room as I dialed my sister’s number on my mobile phone. I watched as the crash cart was wheeled in and a barrage of doctors and nurses worked to get my dad’s heart pumping again.

It took some time for my sister and mum to arrive. I stood alone outside my dad’s room listening to the sound of the flat-lined heart monitor, tears streaming down my face. I whispered a prayer, “Please take care of him.” And then he was gone.

I felt sadness and grief, but I also felt a wave of tranquility. I felt a relief, that finally, my dad could rest. And rest in peace. Letting go of my dad helped me to understand what it means to say, “If you love someone, set them free.”

We scattered my dad’s ashes in the sea this morning. It was what he wanted. I chanted for him from the time we collected his ashes till the time we poured him into the sea. Unbroken japa from Petaling Jaya to Port Klang.

As the last of his ashes drifted away with the tide, I felt a rush of quiet bliss. One thought arose in my mind: From now on, every time I go scuba diving, my dad will be there with me, watching the fish swim by … Just like he did with the koi in his home pond. My dad loved being with nature. He’d whistle and birds would reply.

So a part of him lives on in me. Just like a part of me joined him on his journey, wherever he may be. One thing’s for sure though … He’s watching over us, my mum, sister, brother and I. And he’s soaring high above us, being lifted up by the wings of our unconditional love for each other as a family.

Instead of mourning for my dad, I choose to celebrate his life. And instead of pining for a love lost, I choose to treasure the memories of our short time together.

I love you, dad. You’re a tough act to follow. And everything you taught me, all the love you gave me … That’s worth more than all the precious jewels in the world. What I gained from you – in life and in death – was priceless. Thank you for being the best dad anyone could ever have. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. Without you, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I hope your onward journey will be a relaxing and restful one. You’ve earned it!

Wookie, I’m glad we met. No regrets whatsoever, no matter what anyone else may think or say. You were my lesson in honest to goodness, truly unconditional love. You are my living, breathing proof that it is possible (at least for me) to love someone unconditionally. Our paths require us to move in different directions now, so I wish you all the best in your journey. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Thank you for loving me. I will always love you.

Om Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
(May all the beings in all the worlds be happy)

This, too, shall pass …

That I Am — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 09:07:12 +0000

I Live In Hope – Gabrielle

When you came in my life
It was on borrowed time
This is what I understood
So we did all we could

Made most of all our days
We were happy in every way
Now at night I dare not dream
Cos when I wake you’re not with me

I guess I tried hard
Hard to pretend
That I didn’t care
Or even want you in the end

I live in hope that you’ll come back to me
That you’ll come back to me
I live in hope that you’ll come back to me
That you’ll come back to me

Always thought that I knew
What I would do
When it came time for you
To shoot on through my life

Always thought that I’d try
Try to live my life
Never have you on my mind
I guess I was telling lies

But I tried hard
Hard to pretend
That I didn’t care
Or even want you in the end

I live in hope that you’ll come back to me
That you’ll come back to me
I live in hope that you’ll come back to me
That you’ll come back to me

I guess right now I hurt inside
Now that you’re gone, but you brought so much into my life
No one can mean, mean as much to me
So I pray each day that you’ll come back to me

I live in hope that you’ll come back to me
That you’ll come back to me
I live in hope that you’ll come back to me
That you’ll come back to me

D-I-Y, Honey!

That I Am — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 13:49:43 +0000

Chop-chop!

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned over the last three weeks, it is not to rely on anyone for anything. This reliance gives rise to expectations, and when those expectations are not met, more often than not, there is a deep sense of disappointment.

It’s been a hard lesson to learn, and one that I am still struggling to put into practice. I mean, here I am scoffing at a particular person’s inability to be independent, and yet I feel outraged when I find that my needs are pushed aside in favour of that person …

The irony is that I’m being overlooked because I am the sort who is capable of taking care of myself. By right, I shouldn’t even bat an eyelid. I should do everything on my own regardless of whether help is forthcoming.

But I have come to expect a certain degree of assistance in certain things … And when what’s expected does not materialise, I get disappointed.

This, of course, is basic human nature. It is something we all go through. It is also something we all have to deal with if we want to grow and move beyond where we are now. This dependency is an attachment that will only hold you back and pull you down.

True, some people seem to get ahead by solely depending on others, regardless of the collateral damage they inflict.

But what’s the fun in that? I’d rather rejoice in the fact that I can do a lot of things for myself.

We Meet Again

That I Am — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:58:59 +0000

Here's to keeping in touch!

Three different “catch up” sessions in a week! Why the sudden deluge? Your guess is as good as mine. Not that I’m complaining … It was great to meet-up with friends I haven’t seen in a while.

Monday and Sunday’s meet-ups were organised by two different friends from secondary school. — one back on holiday, another just back from holiday. Some of us haven’t seen each other in more than a decade! There, now you can guess my age. Ha ha!

Most of the gals (and one guy) from school haven’t changed that much. They all still look the same, although some have filled out, grown taller, new hairdos, etc. Conversations were mostly about work and family (for those who are married or have kids).

Of course, with the advent of Facebook, we were quite clued-in on who was doing what, especially with those who made it a point to keep their statuses up to date! Hey, if it wasn’t for FB, we’d probably have lost touch with each other.

In between, I had dinner with GR, a friend who started off as a pen-pal. We exchanged posters via Galaxie magazine, back in the day when posters were a commodity (another dead giveaway in the age department!). I think I responded to her listing, or was it the other way around? Whichever the case, we kept in touch long after the pop idols we both drooled over had faded into obscurity.

This dinner “date” had been much postponed, given that we were both tied up with work. Over sashimi and sushi, she asked me a question about yoga. This turned into the main topic of our conversation for the second half of the evening. And I told her that this was probably the reason why we were finally able to meet.

She laughed and agreed, saying that if we had met up any earlier, she would not have asked me that question. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: the Universe works in mysterious ways!

It was nice to catch up with so many friends after so long. I hope there will be more impromptu gatherings like these in the near future … Fingers crossed!

Why?

That I Am — Mon, 18 May 2009 10:22:39 +0000

Why do people covet what they cannot have?

What makes women go after men who are seeing someone else, even and especially when they know that there is someone else in his life.

And these are the same women who throw a fit when the man they’re seeing even deigns to look at another woman.

Is there such a dearth of suitable men out there that you have to go after someone else’s significant other?

The phone calls, the FB messages, the invites for coffee, meals and meet-ups … Exactly what are you trying to do?

Doesn’t the phrase “not available” mean anything to you?

Yes, it flatters him that someone else finds him attractive too. And you’re trying to feed that feeling, aren’t you? Women and their mind games. Give it a rest already. What did I ever do to you?

All this doesn’t amuse me. Or others in my situation. In fact, it exasperates us, boggles our minds, and makes us wonder what we’ve done to deserve this …

Why did he have to cross paths with someone like you?

Why can’t you find someone else to throw yourself at?

Why can’t you respect a woman’s heart, especially since you have one yourself …

Or perhaps you’re doing this because you don’t, because this is clearly something only someone without a heart would do …